November: You don’t expect me to verify the rumors I spread on the internet, do you?

Hi, I’m Samuel “Cassandra” Collins, habitual recluse, internet troublemaker, doomscroll troll. Whatever you think you’ve let yourself in for, turn your expectations down to about.. 6?

First a couple of points about November’s roundup:

1) Freeze-dried Astronaughts

Would I give up access to space via Kessler syndrome in order to nullify the threat of nuclear war? You mean would I give up billionaires’ imaginary escape plan(et b) reassurance? Fuck yes. Especially since we can’t look after the planet we’ve got. No sensible alien race would let us out of this gravity well – If I was a rational civilization I wouldn’t let us off this rock either – but our Matrix Overlords don’t listen to me. (I guess that means the meds are working?)

There are some problems with this hypothesis – first being the ISS is 450 miles up, in orbit, and I haven’t checked how high ICBMs go but I doubt they could reach any sort of Kessler cloud. Even so, Kessler syndrome is a very real possibility (especially after I achieve world peace through benign(ish) dictatorship), which is probably why America and China are racing to build hypersonic air-breathing missiles, even though experts agree they have no real advantages over 75-some year old icbm concepts.

The second, more fundamental problem is that there are plenty of other lovely ways for radioactive death to rain from the sky – something we might get to see up close if China and America face off over Taiwan. (Isn’t it China’s turn to nuke Japan? But I mean – who’s counting?)

B) Ukraine know what they did.

Would I feel schadenfreude if Russia invade Ukraine? Fuck yes, because I am a terrible person with a primitive monkey brain who acknowledges my ugly feelings and also acknowledges that the plight of queer people in Ukraine would be significantly worse if Russia were to move in and set up shop. Something something queer asylum seekers in the UK something something like fuck they would – only the white Christian ones while we still have P.C. Points something something Priti Patel is super rascist so no wonder she’s so fucking batshit crazy something something cough cough.

Omicron) The Race To The Moon

The race to the moon is actually the race to plunder the moon of perceived riches – water and metals, as well as establishing strategic military bases much like Midway Island. Do I think it’s a good idea to take mass off the moon on an industrial scale over an indefinite period of time? That rock that provides the tides and meteor shelter that provided conditions for primordial life on earth to form? Sure, why not? What’s the worst that could happen?

Sources:

I could post a bunch of sources but the only one you really need to consult is that bastion of internet-level credibility, Wikipedia, which links to that other bastion of internet credibility, the BBC.

The only source you really need to see is this one:

https://www.uni-bonn.de/en/news/290-2021

Photo credit: An Iceberg in Antarctica © Uni Bonn/Michael Weber